I’ll be honest, when I first started on the road of “conscious parenting”, I had no idea there was a term for it.
I’d never heard of “attachment” parenting or “positive parenting”… all I knew was that when I got mad or frustrated with my children it felt horrible… and my instincts told me that it felt horrible because I was just mad my kids weren’t doing what I wanted them to do, and that made me feel like a bad parent…
At the root of it all, I was needing them to change to make me happy.
Which meant I was telling them that other people were the cause of our happiness or unhappiness. I would raise people who couldn’t find their own inner joy.
So, I had to find a different path which would build:
1) A positive parenting relationship between myself and my kids.
2) A perspective of parenting which offered the positive message for my children that they were perfect just as they are.
3) A positive perspective of myself. I had to learn that I was allowed to be Me… with all my foibles and isms, that make me ME.
When a child sees their parent being authentic, they know they are allowed to be themselves.
And for me, that’s what positive parenting really is… actually that’s what positive Living really is.
But then, we have the actual parenting part. It can be so easy to research conscious parenting, but the application can be so much more complicated.
Life gets messy. Life can get Really Messy. How do we navigate through that? What are the steps we can take to be Conscious Parents, especially at busy times and holiday times when the pressure is on?
If you noticed my number 3 above, you’ll see I had to find a positive perspective of myself. I had to be Me. When I could connect to being me and not some superficial concept of “mom” I had the foundation to fall back on. The lens to put on. The connection to call upon when life gets tough.
And it does get tough. Life is fast. Sometimes things chug along in all blissfulness, but a child will have an off day. They will get stressed and so will we, but that’s often where the learning takes place.
That is actually a huge part of positive parenting: understanding that even the tough moments have purpose.
In each off, temporary, fiery, crazy and chaotic moment with our kids, we know that we can stop in our tracks. It’s ok to have an off moment and to feel anxious, worried, or sad. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow together. Negative emotion is nothing more than an indicator that we aren’t seeing through our spiritual perspective. If we try to push the indicator away, we can’t listen to it.
OK… but some real tips… How can we positively parent in the rush of it all?
1) First, know that energy matches energy, so when a child is frantic, we can practice finding our inner calm, breathing deep and bringing in a different feeling space of love. We don’t have to go into the situation with panic and trailblazing.
Our children might be scared of their own feelings. With us remaining grounded will support them and light the path back to stability.
2) Listen. Listening to our children’s experiences, emotions and thoughts gives them a space to express and explore what they really are going through.
3) And then offer. We can offer tools to feel better, we can offer a hug… we can even offer solutions like quiet spaces or car rides to leave the situation entirely. But also, when our children are in disagreement with us we can offer them our WHY. Because often the very reason they say no to us is because they don’t understand what we are suggesting, or they are trapped in their own thought processes.
Give opportunity to shift to a better feeling space, without forcing them to feel better. Shine a light in the emotional darkness.
Conscious parenting means that our children don’t have to navigate who they are alone. They can explore themselves and the world of emotions and life supported and held.
Also… always remember that children live in the moment.
The future and past are abstract concepts and often feel overwhelming. This is why holidays and celebrations often don’t work for young children, because the moment of seeing beautiful snowflakes can be just as exciting and wondrous for a small child as any Christmas morning… so… we can remind ourselves to see the wonder in every moment as well. We can train ourselves to see through the eyes of a child and enjoy the world for its everyday… not just on a special day.
I think the most beautiful part about conscious parenting vs conventional parenting is the knowledge that it isn’t about getting results from our children, rather acknowledging the journey we are all on.
When we want our children to give results (such as good behavior and manners)for our own comfort we skip all the important steps that the challenging moments can offer us. But when we remember the journey of life and look for the tools of love and support we can offer them, our parenting becomes a foundation building experience, which leads to the confident, loving and positive focused adults our children can become.
– Christina Fletcher
Christina Fletcher is a Spiritually Aware Parent Coach and Energy Healer who specializes in helping parents become heart centered and aligned to their highest vision of their parenting and of themselves. Through her background and training in religious and self development studies, as well as spirituality and conscious parenting, Christina helps parents dive past the “shoulds” created from their upbringing and society, and release beliefs that hold them back to create authentic, connected relationships with their children, and themselves. Using mindset techniques, practical spiritual tools such as simple meditation, the law of attraction and positive focus, as well as her training and gifts as an energy healer, Christina gives space for a mom or dad to drop into the feeling of satisfaction, alignment and relief, so they can tune in to what their children truly need and work from a centered perspective. She gives practical and spiritual advice on how to tune into a child’s perspective as well as concrete tools to pass on self awareness and mindful living to children as young as 3, so authenticity, emotional awareness, communication and connection can be the foundation for the whole family. Christina is a homeschooling mom of 2 daughters, (ages 16 and 15) and a 9 year old son. She is happily married to her husband Jeff. When their girls were born 10 months apart, Christina parented as she thought she “should”. Scheduled feeds, nights of pacing the floor with crying babies, and getting mad as they got older, she knows what it’s like to feel overwhelmed and in tears through those early years. It wasn’t until her girls were 3 and 4 that she decided her happiness mattered and that she wanted to have fun again. The change transformed everything, creating a powerful relationship with her children which is stronger than ever now that they are teens. When she was pregnant with her son, she became passionate about creating a spiritually aware pregnancy, and her connection with her son prior to his birth was crucial through some family tragedy taking place at that time. This later became the topic of her first book. Christina is passionate about helping parents create deep relationships with their children, from birth until fully grown. But she also knows that deep relationships with others can only be formed from a deep relationship with yourself, so through courses, coaching and her writing, she offers tools for the entire family so they can truly become self aware and present as everything they really are.