Stop that! Be quiet! Quit playing at the table and eat breakfast! Behave! Hurry up; you’ll be late! How many times do I have to tell you, get your backpack ready before you go to bed?
It’s easy to slip. When we are rushed to school and work, we may find ourselves yelling these phrases to sleepy kids. Back to school, peaceful morning routines are possible. Supporting personal responsibility and more connectedness with our kids can happen when we cultivate positive communication.
Back to school time can bring a sense of new beginnings. We can start new routines that make mornings happier and less stressful. A few suggestions may be helpful for launching back to school routines that set and affirm peace and connection rather than tension and friction. Even, behaviorists tell us, connection is more effective than trying to extinguish negative behavior.
1. Affirm the behaviors you want to see!
It is so much more effective to affirm the positive behavior when you see it, such as praising kids for doing homework, treating others respectfully or being responsible for themselves. Here are a few examples.
· “I really like how you put your finished homework in your backpack so we don’t look for it in the morning.
· “Thank you for hanging up your coat so we find it easily again in the morning.”
· “Thanks so much for pulling your little brother’s uniform out of the dryer when you got your own.”
· Wow! You are up 5 minutes earlier. Thanks for setting your own alarm. I love hugging you in the morning instead of nagging you to get up.
2. Prepare for success. Have a school preparation plan and work the plan. Set clear expectations and follow through.
a.) Go to Bed on Time and Set a Personal Alarm
Kids and adults can’t get up for school on time without going to bed on time. Establish positive bedtime rituals and keep them. (Reading books is ideal.) Buy your child his or her own alarm and thank them when they use it to get up.
b.) Backpack Preparation
Backpacks should be packed the night before school. Surprise them with something new in their backpack too!
c.) School Clothes Preparation
Setting uniforms out the night before with all the accessories (including socks) helps avoid the morning rush. Reward children when they do by allowing a special privilege when they get home that afternoon.
d.) Practice What You Preach
Modeling the behavior you want is foundational to morning routine success. “See, I got my laptop bag ready for work ahead of time; I am so proud of myself!” Mom says.
Laura Lyles Reagan is a family sociologist and author of How to Raise Respectful Parents. She can be reached for parent coaching sessions through her website at www.LauraLReagan.com.
It’s 2020 and everyone is talking about transformation. You are overwhelmed and maybe a little scared. You have a tween, teen or launching young adult!
- Perhaps you are tired of walking on eggshells around your tween, teen or launching young adult?
- Maybe it’s the disrespectful communication from your teen or teen drama, that triggers you?
- Or are you secretly afraid your child won’t make it as an adult?
I felt all of this and more until I awakened to a new mindset and practiced respectful communication skills. The more I tried to control my two young daughters when they first entered their tween years, the more friction and distance their was between us. When I learned to share vulnerably from my heart with them, they drew closer to me and sought my counsel and support naturally.
I learned to listen so my teen daughters would open up and I learned how to share my heart in an authentic way that made them want to listen to me.
In fact, those former triggers I had about sassiness and teen drama, became the things we used to connect deeply. I learned how to read the “disrespect” I perceived as their own fear, and we got to the root of it, together. I learned when to engage and when to let go. We grew closer as a result. I was able to support their launch into young adulthood.
It wasn’t always easy and it was sometimes messy. There was a divorce and family illness in the mix and the time I spent as a single parenthood was tough. But today we have honest, mutually respectful relationships. Even as young adults they seek my advice.
I want to support your parenting journey and offer you the mindset and skills that I learned to you, to help you grow the close relationship you long for with your child at every step of their development and I want to support you to learn how to grow your own rich relationship with yourself so you are ready when they launch to enjoy all life has to offer.
What is Relationship Coaching for Parents and Tweens, Teens or Launching Young Adults?
Coaching sessions occur online at a time convenient to you. You learn how apply the communication skills I teach to not only support your teen’s growth but grow ways to become your most authentic self.
I am passionate about helping parents and teens co-create the relationships they truly long to build together. That’s why I became a parent coach to help families (even those in difficult times of transition) to cultivate a more peaceful home by communicating heart to heart. The approach is called conscious co-creation. It focuses on growing the awareness and skills that parents and teens need to jointly build the relationship that work for both. I can help you get Back on Track with your tween or teen.
Recently, I’ve been helping teens launch to college or their next stage of life also. It includes making adjustments to college life.
What issues do you deal with?
Parent and Teen Relationship Coaching: I help establish respectful communication and overcome communication barriers and breakdown.
For Parents: I help parents in conflict, navigating divorce, co-parenting, single parenthood and how to embrace and enjoy your empty nests.
For Tweens, Teens and Young Adults: I help with parent problems, homework hassles, digital dangers, dating and substance abuse. I am also a chemical dependency counselor. I have even helped teens deal with the pressures of college life or a new job.
How Can I Help You?
I offer individual or group coaching packages. I have also written a book with sample conversations of conscious communication and exercises at the end of each chapter, titled How to Raise Respectful Parents: Better Communication for Teen and Parent Relationships
What can I expect?
No blame, just support, skills building and a few suggestions for a complicated world! I offer a free Back on Track Assessment Call. If we are a match, you can enter private coaching or online group coaching.
Contact me at 956-250-3689 or email, Laura@LauraLReagan.com. If time is of the essence, consider my course, Tune Into Your Teen by Tuning Into Yourself. You can find it in The Family Alchemists University.
What are other parents saying?
Laura has helped me tremendously as a parent coach! My teen son and I were estranged following difficulties with his father. And the counselor we were going to, was unable to coach me to be able to reach my teen, beyond the fences and hurt walls that he’d placed between us. Laura stepped in and with great kindness, understanding and wisdom, was able to get me to change my entire approach to parenting my teen son. Our relationship underwent a radical change as I started implementing her suggestions and advice, and he and I are now affectionate with each other, communicating about big and small matters, without any blocks, and building trust again, thanks to Laura’s knowledge and coaching, she has so professionally, kindly and generously shared with me. -Priya B., mother of teen son
Laura was a Godsend to me. With all I learned, I feel a sense of calm empowerment for the first time in YEARS! I even feel a sense of calm about my teens’ future. Before, I felt my life was flooded in chaos, but she helped me practice positive communication skills that conveyed my heart. I always looked forward to our next session. I highly recommend her! -Linda E., mother of twin teen daughters
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How to Talk So Your Teen Will Listen: Consciously Navigating the Generation Gap with Co-Creative Communication
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