Updates on The Family Alchemists

Hi Friends, When I created The Family Alchemists in 2018, I had a really big vision and mission of connecting people to the resources they need to grow. I have so many amazing professionals in the Conscious Parenting space as friends and was determined to help them...

How Recovery Principles Pave the Way to Conscious Parenting

Applying the 12 steps to my parenting helped me practice boundaries, communicate with integrity and ultimately BE loving and tolerant.

Conscious Communication Skills

In times of great social change, we look for the things we can control. We may not be able to predict the future for ourselves or our teens, but we can control how we communicate. The way we communicate reveals what we value and how we value it. I longed to connect...

How to Save a Marriage

So, you’re an empath married to a guy that treats you like a queen – most of the time. But those times he’s angry? You question if you’re more like your mother than you thought. You worry that his behavior is going to hurt your kids and that you’re being irresponsible...


When I have a chance to actually discuss the topic with clients, it is very simple to explain my view of spirituality, understand my clients’ perspective, and come to a common ground semantically (and often philosophically). I notice I regularly attract people who...

Helping Your Kids During Coronavirus Social Distancing

Dear Brave Ones: Of course, we’re scared. That means it’s the time to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves and others. Can you imagine how scared our kids are? Their routines have been disrupted and they miss their teachers and friends. They have less control...

Out of the race

From the moment we are born, we are part of a race we never wanted to be in, we are measured by milestones and compared endlessly with any peers we share our life with. We are numbers in charts and checkmarks in lists of accomplishments, in other words, we are what we...

Mindful Parenting Through the Everyday Stresses

In the fast paced world of parenting where decisions are made in between spilled cereal, constant questioning and smartphone apps, it is no wonder the word mindfulness is becoming as necessary in a parent’s vocabulary as the word nap-time. And yet, for many,...

What our children ask of us

Our children ask so little really. Listen to my discoveries and ideas. Look through my eyes to understand my world. Feel my love, joy, frustration, pain. Hold my hand, my heart and me close. Be careful with me and understand me. I may feel off sometimes, when the...

Elf on the shelf, Magic of well-behaved kids?

I was already familiar with conscious parenting when the Elf on the Shelf became popular a few years ago, I found out about it when my kids were toddlers and I heard stories about him moving every night and being a fun addition during Christmas time. I was excited to...

In times of great social change, we look for the things we can control. We may not be able to predict the future for ourselves or our teens, but we can control how we communicate. The way we communicate reveals what we value and how we value it.

I longed to connect more deeply with my teens. I knew I wanted to break generational patterns of authoritarianism and family alcoholism. But I didn’t know exactly how. That led me first to tears and frustration, then to parenting books, later to a therapist and my own recovery and along the way a Masters degree in sociology and communication dynamics. Eventually my parenting journey led me to learn communication skills that helped my teen girls and I connect heart to heart, rather than defense to defense.

Communication Is Reflexive 

One of the key things I learned is that parents and kids hold different positions in the social order. Seems obvious, right? But there are profound implications that lie deeper. There is a natural power differential or inequality in the parent child relationship. The difference in social location can be a barrier to real connection, especially if our focus is controlling behavior and not relating heart to heart.

When we don’t communicate in a way that demonstrates we are interested in what kids have to say, they won’t share their feelings, ideas and opinions with us. This was a specific fear of mine, because I was raising girls. I wanted my girls to grow up to be empowered women who stood up for themselves in the world. They had to be able to stand up to me during their teen years, if they were going to fully step into their truth.

Communication is reflexive. Their messaging affected me, just as much as my messaging impacted them. They made me a better person by sharing their reality. In fact, they still do!

It wasn’t easy. Communicating with consciousness meant that I had the opportunity to see where I projected what I wanted and didn’t value their perspectives. Conscious communication was a sure way to see where I didn’t yet value the autonomy of my teen daughters.

What is Conscious Communication Anyway?

Conscious communication occurs when I am fully present emotionally and spiritually with my kids and my words reflect the awareness that I am responsible for my own thoughts, actions and feelings and they are responsible for their thoughts, actions and feelings.

Conscious communication aligns with the awareness that I communicate cleanly without reacting to something from my past. Responding intentionally is the way to truly connect with our teenagers because it builds trustworthiness and demonstrates the value of equity.

No one does this perfectly. Nor are we meant to do it perfectly. I believe our kids learn from how we emotionally regulate our thoughts, actions and feelings. I can’t tell you how many times, I had to apologize for losing it with them because I was triggered. By “losing it,” I don’t just mean yelling.

I mean, I sometimes, missed my teen’s messages because I was stuck in my head or worried about my own agenda. But holding the intention of hearing their messaging and processing how it triggered me, helped my awareness grow and helped the trust between us grow. It was truthful.


Conscious communication skills like affirmation, open-ended questions, and active listening invite trust and demonstrate how equality works.


Communicating consciously shows the reflexive nature of communication — what my kids share is just as important as what I share. If I want my teens to open up and talk to me, I have to value what they say just as much if not more than what I say. That’s the secret to getting our teens to talk to us.

My girls let me know clearly when I stepped on their toes. I did the same. It was messy and hurtful at times, but it was honest and real. And then, I celebrated when the communication between us was tender and loving. All the stuff of humanity was inside our interactions.

Changing How We Communicate

I came to believe that every interaction counts towards creating the intimacy and respect we desire and the equity we need.

Throughout my career in youth development and child advocacy, I have seen the powerful, creative, people-making difference, conscious communication makes. Its magic. The simple act of listening to a teen share the truth of their life, can change the trajectory of that life for the better.

That’s why I emphasize learning the conscious communication skills that reflect the true messages of the heart in my parent coaching practice. Conscious communication not only changes the relationship dynamics between parent and teen, but it changes us as people.

Language communicates our value system. Change the way we communicate, and we can change the way we value youth. Valuing youth as equal co-creators in the family illuminates the path to a more equitable world.

 Read more about working with a Conscious Parenting Coach like Laura Lyles Reagan by clicking HERE or visiting her website

FREE: How To Finally Get Your Child To Listen And Act By Understanding Their Development And Getting The Best Behavior Out Of Them… Even In The Hour Before Bedtime. Yes, Really.

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