Tantrums and meltdowns are one of the hardest things to handle as parents, it brings all sorts of feelings, fears, insecurities and a high level of anxiety. The confusing part is to understand where this is coming from, most parents believe it comes from the child, they blame the child for their emotional state. They often say things like “You are making angry”, “Don’t make yell”. And as long they blame others, be their child or anyone else for their actions, they will be always at the mercy of their conditioning reacting to their triggers and unable to do anything different. I love to teach parents about what’s really going on behind our automatic reactions, but my focus today is about what to do to take the first step towards connection when our kids are tantruming.
There is one first thing to do and this is a crucial step and the foundation of your parenting. It is to PAUSE. You can’t access consciousness without it. So, in other words, do nothing. This seems like an easy step but until you try it, you will realize that it is harder than you think, because what appears to be doing nothing, it actually requires a lot from you. When you pause, not to check it off the list but when you intentionally pause, you are dealing with ego, limiting beliefs, judgment, unhealthy patterns, conditioning, feelings, emotions, self-control, self-compassion, empathy, observation, etc. It is not easy to pause.
Why is a PAUSE so important as a first step? Because it sends a signal to your brain to get out of emergency mode, out of fight or flight. And why is this so important? Because only then you will be able to engage your thinking part of the brain and you will be able to gain control of yourself, activate your awareness and be the parent your child needs.
So, start practicing taking a pause and journaling your triggers, that’s all. This crucial step will start you off on the path of Conscious Parenting and you will never be the same. It will be the best gift for your kids and the world because we change the world by changing ourselves.
-Isabel Stafford, Family Alchemist™
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I support you with the hardest job of all, the raising of your precious children. I help you find joy, peace and ease dealing with your family challenges. I teach you to connect instead of divide by parenting through love. I work with parents who are committed to turning their family dynamic around, to bringing more peace to their homes and cooperation from their kids. In other words, I teach them how to stop yelling and punishing and how to parent through empathy and connection. Parents know when their approach is not working and when they reach out, I meet them right where they are, I offer them a judgment-free and confidential relationship, I guide them through their struggles, celebrate their successes and support them in their setbacks. After working with me you will feel confident about the best way to raise your children, you will feel a sense of peace and regain your joy knowing that every member of your family feels loved and valued, they are heard and they matter. You will be the parent you always wanted to be in the midst of any circumstance. I am a mother of three boys and I went from being the perfect parent in my fantasies to a “monster mom” in reality and in a matter of a couple of years after I had my first child. My world crumbled. It was chaos. And then I went to being a confident mom that gained her joy back thanks to a deep dive into conscious parenting, a long journey of inner work still to this moment and staying committed to being true to myself.