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Parenting Isn't a Role, It's a Relationship | The Family Alchemists

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Updates on The Family Alchemists

Hi Friends, When I created The Family Alchemists in 2018, I had a really big vision and mission of connecting people to the resources they need to grow. I have so many amazing professionals in the Conscious Parenting space as friends and was determined to help them...

How Recovery Principles Pave the Way to Conscious Parenting

Applying the 12 steps to my parenting helped me practice boundaries, communicate with integrity and ultimately BE loving and tolerant.

Conscious Communication Skills

In times of great social change, we look for the things we can control. We may not be able to predict the future for ourselves or our teens, but we can control how we communicate. The way we communicate reveals what we value and how we value it. I longed to connect...

How to Save a Marriage

So, you’re an empath married to a guy that treats you like a queen – most of the time. But those times he’s angry? You question if you’re more like your mother than you thought. You worry that his behavior is going to hurt your kids and that you’re being irresponsible...

WHAT DOES SPIRITUALITY MEAN TO YOU?

When I have a chance to actually discuss the topic with clients, it is very simple to explain my view of spirituality, understand my clients’ perspective, and come to a common ground semantically (and often philosophically). I notice I regularly attract people who...

Helping Your Kids During Coronavirus Social Distancing

Dear Brave Ones: Of course, we’re scared. That means it’s the time to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves and others. Can you imagine how scared our kids are? Their routines have been disrupted and they miss their teachers and friends. They have less control...

Out of the race

From the moment we are born, we are part of a race we never wanted to be in, we are measured by milestones and compared endlessly with any peers we share our life with. We are numbers in charts and checkmarks in lists of accomplishments, in other words, we are what we...

Mindful Parenting Through the Everyday Stresses

In the fast paced world of parenting where decisions are made in between spilled cereal, constant questioning and smartphone apps, it is no wonder the word mindfulness is becoming as necessary in a parent’s vocabulary as the word nap-time. And yet, for many,...

What our children ask of us

Our children ask so little really. Listen to my discoveries and ideas. Look through my eyes to understand my world. Feel my love, joy, frustration, pain. Hold my hand, my heart and me close. Be careful with me and understand me. I may feel off sometimes, when the...

Elf on the shelf, Magic of well-behaved kids?

I was already familiar with conscious parenting when the Elf on the Shelf became popular a few years ago, I found out about it when my kids were toddlers and I heard stories about him moving every night and being a fun addition during Christmas time. I was excited to...

Parenting isn’t a role, it’s a relationship – Christina Fletcher

When we see parenting as a role we play, we not only give ourselves a mask to wear (or to hide behind), but we also give ourselves a list of characteristics or duties that that role implies. When we then “fail” the list which society has offered us, we can easily slip into a space of shame, guilt or overwhelm.
However, the simple step of reminding ourselves that parenting is a relationship between two people, sets us free. We feel open to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, and most importantly, to be ourselves.
Because the mask of the role keeps us disconnected and in a need to control. A relationship perspective opens us up to engaging with our child, seeing them as the person they are, and diving deeper into their why and their motivation.
Try it on. Walk into the room where your child is playing and remind yourself it’s a relationship. Your child will truly sense the shift and be more open and receptive to your words or company.
Allow yourself the relief of having a relationship with your child… and you’ll find those important “duties” that the role implies are either fulfilled effortlessly or simply fall away.


VOICE OF THE UNIVERSAL CHILD- By Bruce Scott
I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be “raised” and taught, and taken to activities….I came to the people in my life to bring a message: slow down. Feel. Be. Over and over again. When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenient to your daily life, Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love.
• Include me before making decisions that affect me.
• Respect my interests even though they may seem just cute to you
• Do not refer to me as a “terrible two” person
• See me as a whole feeling person when I am a teenager. I am more than raging hormones or “just a teenager.” I will do the same for you no matter what your age.
• If you are afraid for me, tell me so honestly with your heart.
• Do not punish me ever. Teach me. Hold me. Love me. Trust that I, just like you, want to do what is right, and don’t want to hurt anyone.
• Help me understand what I don’t know. Don’t call me names, or label me or compare me, or make me compete for anything. Help me cooperate and collaborate. Be the example for me.
• Hug me, Kiss me, and Hold me a lot. Be kind with your smile. It’s all ok.
• If you are upset with something in your life, know when you are upset. Don’t be angry with me or blame me, or judge me. If you want me to know something and hear you, notice your voice and angry or judgmental thoughts before you give them to me. I, like you, do not feel good when I am admonished, made wrong or blamed. It just doesn’t feel good. I want to hear and understand you. I like being connected.
• If you feel embarrassed by something I am doing, hug me. Come closer. I am being myself completely. If I need to be more aware of others, I want to know that. I can hear your kind voice remind me.
• When you are with me, be completely with me. If you are in your thoughts, pretending to be with me, then you are not with me at all.
• Treat me exactly like you would want me to treat you. Exactly.
• Assume that I “see” everything. I am exquisitely sensitive and can feel pretense, falseness, and hidden agendas. I can also feel love.
• Know when you are sarcastic. Sarcasm is mean and creates distance, hurt and separates us, almost without noticing. Humor brings us together.
• I do not need you to always say Yes to me. Actually, yes or no don’t matter. What matters is how you hold me in your heart, how you see me, and your appreciation for me. ‘Cause when you appreciate me, and see through my eyes too, a yes or no will always be the right thing for both of us.
• I do not need you to be with me. I need you to be with yourself. When you are with yourself, you are with me.
• No matter how old I am, three years old, sixteen, or forty-five, I am not intending to deceive you, take advantage of you, use you or disrespect you. If you have those thoughts or the belief that I am “asking too much,” that is not my intent. I am really, searching out ways to make contact, and to be with you, to acknowledge my presence.
• When I cry, I am feeling. Crying can be like sneezing, feeling close to you, singing or running. It is just my body expressing itself. I might have been sad, or hurt or afraid. When I am feeling in my body, I am relieved. All you need do is be present with me so that I know you are there, but not trying to stop me or make me feel better.
• I am wise. I know things. I see things. I know naturally what I need to know. I believe and trust myself and my intuition. Unless I learn to not trust myself. I have to be taught from the outside to not believe the truth of things.
• I sometimes feel safe in the world. Sometimes I don’t. If I feel or sense something, and others don’t, (maybe even make fun of me), I get even more scared. I can feel so alone and wrong. It helps when you take me seriously, regardless of my age, and ask me more questions about what I “see,” feel or sense. I might be seeing something you need to know.
• I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be “raised” and taught, and taken to activities. I am not, by accident in your life. Incredible or unbelievable as this may sound, I came to the people in my life to bring a message: slow down. Feel. Be. Over and over again. When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenient to your daily life. Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love.

Thank you Bruce Scott, for sharing this beautiful perspective.


 

Children instinctively know that the more laughter we have in our lives, the better. – Wayne Dyer

A child’s ability to laugh and play should be a lesson to us all. Scientists are showing that laughter is of huge benefit and that we don’t give it enough priority in our lives.
As parents, we can easily get into the space of To-do lists and “work now, play later” mode, putting off connecting with our child’s pleas to play or to laugh with us.
The important balance is to connect and laugh with our children while we work and check off those to-do list items. Laughter is contagious if we let it and our children are often simply reminding us to tune in to a healthier and happier state of being.
For more information visit these great links.
https://goo.gl/6yxDe5

https://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2017/06/05/six-science-based-reasons-why-laughter-is-the-best-medicine/


Appreciate the Strong willed child, for they will become the leaders of our future and the thinkers of their time.

Strong willed children can be challenging to parent and yet it is their strong willed, independent nature that makes them the trail-blazing, passionate, leaders as they grow up. It is also their determination to be authentic to themselves, and not simply bend to what people want of them, that inspires us all to be more conscious parents.
After all. None of us really like to be told what to do, do we?
Developing tools of communication, fairness and teamwork creates a relationship based on honesty and consideration, which allows a strong-willed child to be simply highly spirited, passionate, playful, and independent human being.


You are less powerful than you want to be and more powerful than you realize. Understanding this paradox will transform your relationship with your child – Sandi Schwartz MA

As parents, we often start the journey thinking we want to be “in charge” or be in control. We can push, pull and scramble for it. However, when we realize that we can never have power over another person and we realize the need to be the powerful ruler of the house… a new power is found.
The power of love, understanding, perspective and intention transforms any need for control. For when we see life through the eyes of our children and develop the relationship for the inside out, we find the power of being ourselves and allowing our children to be the same.


Children need models rather than critics- Joseph Joubert

How we treat our children is how they learn to treat others.
Children are consistently witnessing and observing us and the world around them. When we model kindness, they learn to be kind. When we model love, they learn they are loved. When we model support, they learn to love others. How can we offer a child a strong sense of kindness, love or consideration, if they are only criticized or judged?


Teach your children that they need nothing exterior to themselves to be happy, no person, place or thing, and that true happiness is found within.
~ Neale Donald Walsch


 

 

FREE: How To Finally Get Your Child To Listen And Act By Understanding Their Development And Getting The Best Behavior Out Of Them… Even In The Hour Before Bedtime. Yes, Really.

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