Parenting isn’t a role, it’s a relationship – Christina Fletcher
When we see parenting as a role we play, we not only give ourselves a mask to wear (or to hide behind), but we also give ourselves a list of characteristics or duties that that role implies. When we then “fail” the list which society has offered us, we can easily slip into a space of shame, guilt or overwhelm.
However, the simple step of reminding ourselves that parenting is a relationship between two people, sets us free. We feel open to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, and most importantly, to be ourselves.
Because the mask of the role keeps us disconnected and in a need to control. A relationship perspective opens us up to engaging with our child, seeing them as the person they are, and diving deeper into their why and their motivation.
Try it on. Walk into the room where your child is playing and remind yourself it’s a relationship. Your child will truly sense the shift and be more open and receptive to your words or company.
Allow yourself the relief of having a relationship with your child… and you’ll find those important “duties” that the role implies are either fulfilled effortlessly or simply fall away.
VOICE OF THE UNIVERSAL CHILD- By Bruce Scott
I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be “raised” and taught, and taken to activities….I came to the people in my life to bring a message: slow down. Feel. Be. Over and over again. When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenient to your daily life, Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love.
• Include me before making decisions that affect me.
• Respect my interests even though they may seem just cute to you
• Do not refer to me as a “terrible two” person
• See me as a whole feeling person when I am a teenager. I am more than raging hormones or “just a teenager.” I will do the same for you no matter what your age.
• If you are afraid for me, tell me so honestly with your heart.
• Do not punish me ever. Teach me. Hold me. Love me. Trust that I, just like you, want to do what is right, and don’t want to hurt anyone.
• Help me understand what I don’t know. Don’t call me names, or label me or compare me, or make me compete for anything. Help me cooperate and collaborate. Be the example for me.
• Hug me, Kiss me, and Hold me a lot. Be kind with your smile. It’s all ok.
• If you are upset with something in your life, know when you are upset. Don’t be angry with me or blame me, or judge me. If you want me to know something and hear you, notice your voice and angry or judgmental thoughts before you give them to me. I, like you, do not feel good when I am admonished, made wrong or blamed. It just doesn’t feel good. I want to hear and understand you. I like being connected.
• If you feel embarrassed by something I am doing, hug me. Come closer. I am being myself completely. If I need to be more aware of others, I want to know that. I can hear your kind voice remind me.
• When you are with me, be completely with me. If you are in your thoughts, pretending to be with me, then you are not with me at all.
• Treat me exactly like you would want me to treat you. Exactly.
• Assume that I “see” everything. I am exquisitely sensitive and can feel pretense, falseness, and hidden agendas. I can also feel love.
• Know when you are sarcastic. Sarcasm is mean and creates distance, hurt and separates us, almost without noticing. Humor brings us together.
• I do not need you to always say Yes to me. Actually, yes or no don’t matter. What matters is how you hold me in your heart, how you see me, and your appreciation for me. ‘Cause when you appreciate me, and see through my eyes too, a yes or no will always be the right thing for both of us.
• I do not need you to be with me. I need you to be with yourself. When you are with yourself, you are with me.
• No matter how old I am, three years old, sixteen, or forty-five, I am not intending to deceive you, take advantage of you, use you or disrespect you. If you have those thoughts or the belief that I am “asking too much,” that is not my intent. I am really, searching out ways to make contact, and to be with you, to acknowledge my presence.
• When I cry, I am feeling. Crying can be like sneezing, feeling close to you, singing or running. It is just my body expressing itself. I might have been sad, or hurt or afraid. When I am feeling in my body, I am relieved. All you need do is be present with me so that I know you are there, but not trying to stop me or make me feel better.
• I am wise. I know things. I see things. I know naturally what I need to know. I believe and trust myself and my intuition. Unless I learn to not trust myself. I have to be taught from the outside to not believe the truth of things.
• I sometimes feel safe in the world. Sometimes I don’t. If I feel or sense something, and others don’t, (maybe even make fun of me), I get even more scared. I can feel so alone and wrong. It helps when you take me seriously, regardless of my age, and ask me more questions about what I “see,” feel or sense. I might be seeing something you need to know.
• I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be “raised” and taught, and taken to activities. I am not, by accident in your life. Incredible or unbelievable as this may sound, I came to the people in my life to bring a message: slow down. Feel. Be. Over and over again. When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenient to your daily life. Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love.
Thank you Bruce Scott, for sharing this beautiful perspective.
Children instinctively know that the more laughter we have in our lives, the better. – Wayne Dyer
A child’s ability to laugh and play should be a lesson to us all. Scientists are showing that laughter is of huge benefit and that we don’t give it enough priority in our lives.
As parents, we can easily get into the space of To-do lists and “work now, play later” mode, putting off connecting with our child’s pleas to play or to laugh with us.
The important balance is to connect and laugh with our children while we work and check off those to-do list items. Laughter is contagious if we let it and our children are often simply reminding us to tune in to a healthier and happier state of being.
For more information visit these great links.
https://goo.gl/6yxDe5
https://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2017/06/05/six-science-based-reasons-why-laughter-is-the-best-medicine/
Appreciate the Strong willed child, for they will become the leaders of our future and the thinkers of their time.
Strong willed children can be challenging to parent and yet it is their strong willed, independent nature that makes them the trail-blazing, passionate, leaders as they grow up. It is also their determination to be authentic to themselves, and not simply bend to what people want of them, that inspires us all to be more conscious parents.
After all. None of us really like to be told what to do, do we?
Developing tools of communication, fairness and teamwork creates a relationship based on honesty and consideration, which allows a strong-willed child to be simply highly spirited, passionate, playful, and independent human being.
You are less powerful than you want to be and more powerful than you realize. Understanding this paradox will transform your relationship with your child – Sandi Schwartz MA
As parents, we often start the journey thinking we want to be “in charge” or be in control. We can push, pull and scramble for it. However, when we realize that we can never have power over another person and we realize the need to be the powerful ruler of the house… a new power is found.
The power of love, understanding, perspective and intention transforms any need for control. For when we see life through the eyes of our children and develop the relationship for the inside out, we find the power of being ourselves and allowing our children to be the same.
Children need models rather than critics- Joseph Joubert
How we treat our children is how they learn to treat others.
Children are consistently witnessing and observing us and the world around them. When we model kindness, they learn to be kind. When we model love, they learn they are loved. When we model support, they learn to love others. How can we offer a child a strong sense of kindness, love or consideration, if they are only criticized or judged?
Teach your children that they need nothing exterior to themselves to be happy, no person, place or thing, and that true happiness is found within.
~ Neale Donald Walsch
Christina Fletcher is a Spiritually Aware Parent Coach and Energy Healer who specializes in helping parents become heart centered and aligned to their highest vision of their parenting and of themselves. Through her background and training in religious and self development studies, as well as spirituality and conscious parenting, Christina helps parents dive past the “shoulds” created from their upbringing and society, and release beliefs that hold them back to create authentic, connected relationships with their children, and themselves. Using mindset techniques, practical spiritual tools such as simple meditation, the law of attraction and positive focus, as well as her training and gifts as an energy healer, Christina gives space for a mom or dad to drop into the feeling of satisfaction, alignment and relief, so they can tune in to what their children truly need and work from a centered perspective. She gives practical and spiritual advice on how to tune into a child’s perspective as well as concrete tools to pass on self awareness and mindful living to children as young as 3, so authenticity, emotional awareness, communication and connection can be the foundation for the whole family. Christina is a homeschooling mom of 2 daughters, (ages 16 and 15) and a 9 year old son. She is happily married to her husband Jeff. When their girls were born 10 months apart, Christina parented as she thought she “should”. Scheduled feeds, nights of pacing the floor with crying babies, and getting mad as they got older, she knows what it’s like to feel overwhelmed and in tears through those early years. It wasn’t until her girls were 3 and 4 that she decided her happiness mattered and that she wanted to have fun again. The change transformed everything, creating a powerful relationship with her children which is stronger than ever now that they are teens. When she was pregnant with her son, she became passionate about creating a spiritually aware pregnancy, and her connection with her son prior to his birth was crucial through some family tragedy taking place at that time. This later became the topic of her first book. Christina is passionate about helping parents create deep relationships with their children, from birth until fully grown. But she also knows that deep relationships with others can only be formed from a deep relationship with yourself, so through courses, coaching and her writing, she offers tools for the entire family so they can truly become self aware and present as everything they really are.
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