Read more about Parent Coaching: Raising Children Consciously
Don’t let these common relationship busters ruin your most prized relationships!
Anger
Rage. Yelling. Stomping. Slamming. Throwing.
Getting angry does one thing: scare everyone.
Blame
Oh, if only blaming others for our unhappiness could resolve issues. We’d all likely be deliriously happy!
Control
You can control the conditions in your home, but you can’t control other people.
You can only control you. And once you do that, you can inspire others to change.
Disconnection
“Why did you do that?!” “Go to your room!” The silent treatment. Passive aggressiveness.
Disconnection doesn’t allow you to correct. The other must feel connected to you to give and receive.
Expectations
“My husband/wife/child/friend SHOULD do this…” Expectations are joy killers. Imagine another having an expectation on you. Doesn’t that feel heavy?
Fear
Wondering if your kid is going to be screwed up? Wondering if your marriage is over?
Whatever you’re afraid of, those around you will mirror that fear back to you in their own way. You have no power from a place of fear.
Gossip
Letting others into your relationship is a recipe for disaster.
Well-meaning loved ones, friends, or internet strangers will project a lot of fear and bad advice your way.
Helicoptering
Hovering over anyone out of anxiety or insecurity keeps them in a state of fear as well. Everyone is perfectly capable. Only step in when you must.
Insecurity
Fear that we’re not enough creates a reality that matches this perception. Confidence is key in happy relationships.
Judgement
All judgments of others mirror the way we judge ourselves. Dropping judgments is essential for happiness.
Kindness
Sometimes you just have to be “unkind” to keep your sanity.
Telling a child to “be nice” denies their experience, needs, and autonomy.
Love
Thinking love is based on need, dependency, and control, severs relationships.
In that definition, we need to love a little less.
Martyrdom
We are often raised believing we should take pain from others, carry their burdens, and fix their problems. Then they will love us.
This prevents them from growth and keeps us miserable.
Numbing
We’ve all been taught that pain is bad and we should avoid it, so we check out or deny our feelings and lose our connection to our internal guidance system.
Opinions
Imagining or listening to the opinions of others interferes with your own intuition.
Punishment
We’ve been doling out punishments in the most frightening ways for centuries. This fear tactic does just that: create fear. Fear doesn’t create connection, and connection is what you need to have the relationships you want.
Questions
Instead of authentically connecting, we might ask a billion questions out of our own anxiety.
“Are you buckled?” “How was your day?” “Why are you doing that?”
More silence, less questions. Let them connect with you in an organic way.
Rules
Rules themselves aren’t bad, it’s having too many that is the problem. How can you quickly and easily enforce a boundary if you have 200 rules?
Likewise, rules can limit the child’s learning ability by preventing them from experiencing the natural consequences of their behavior.
Shame
Most of us have an internal voice we got from our parents that shames our loved ones without us even realizing it. “Why did you do that?!” “That’s not nice!”
Shaming someone is the fastest way to get them to shut down, disconnect, and act out.
Time Out
Time out is still a punishment. Creating disconnection and feelings of shame, time out only serves to create further disconnection in your relationship.
Unresolved Conflicts
Unfortunately, not much will change if you aren’t willing to communicate what needs to change.
Victimhood
Imagining ourselves as the victim of our current situation makes us feel powerless to change it.
Wounds
Unresolved traumas + pain from our own childhood keeps us stuck in the past, subconsciously.
X’s
Be willing to close the door on old relationships when they’re toxic.
Zen
Zen is a good thing. Acceptance without action is not.
Read more: Understanding Conscious Parenting and Other Parenting Styles
I help wise entrepreneurs & parents optimize their life or business so they can inspire & connect with others from a place of confidence.
I help people parent the way they feel called to, not what they were shown or are told to do, but what they know deep down is their truth.
I help people build businesses aligned to who they are and what they’re here to offer, not what they’re told they should be or what they think people want, but creating value from what they naturally, and passionately, have to offer that creates real transformation.
I help inspirational entrepreneurs find brand clarity before building beautiful websites & digital marketing for them that clearly express their own brand of awesome, so they can thrive by focusing their time on delighting the people they’re here to guide.
Until I found Conscious Parenting, I’d completely lost sight of ME. I had no idea what I wanted or needed. I used my marriage, which was on the brink of divorce, to uncage the real me and now we’re happier than ever. My growth inspired his, fortunately for our children.
I’m a Jai Parenting Institute Certified Parenting Coach, trained with Dr. Shefali Tsabary (author of The Conscious Parent) for over two years, and have multiple marketing & business certifications. Prior to this work, I was an RF Engineer for 14 years. I have two young children and live in Northeast Ohio with my husband and our boxer rescues.
Please visit my website, bethrowles.com to learn more about my services and pricing.
You may also enjoy:
Be the One Who Breaks the Cycle
Growth Through Pain
Building a Connected Relationship With Your Kids Requires Leaving Fear Behind
This Advice Is Ruining Your Marriage
The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto- Brené Brown
Shaming Isn’t Parenting
My kids’ first bully was ME
Tough Love isn’t Parenting
So Many Approaches: Understanding Conscious Parenting and Other Parenting Styles
Parenting Help: Finding Personalized Support is Easier Than You Think
