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The A-Z's of Unhappy Relationships | The Family Alchemists

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Updates on The Family Alchemists

Hi Friends, When I created The Family Alchemists in 2018, I had a really big vision and mission of connecting people to the resources they need to grow. I have so many amazing professionals in the Conscious Parenting space as friends and was determined to help them...

How Recovery Principles Pave the Way to Conscious Parenting

Applying the 12 steps to my parenting helped me practice boundaries, communicate with integrity and ultimately BE loving and tolerant.

Conscious Communication Skills

In times of great social change, we look for the things we can control. We may not be able to predict the future for ourselves or our teens, but we can control how we communicate. The way we communicate reveals what we value and how we value it. I longed to connect...

How to Save a Marriage

So, you’re an empath married to a guy that treats you like a queen – most of the time. But those times he’s angry? You question if you’re more like your mother than you thought. You worry that his behavior is going to hurt your kids and that you’re being irresponsible...

WHAT DOES SPIRITUALITY MEAN TO YOU?

When I have a chance to actually discuss the topic with clients, it is very simple to explain my view of spirituality, understand my clients’ perspective, and come to a common ground semantically (and often philosophically). I notice I regularly attract people who...

Helping Your Kids During Coronavirus Social Distancing

Dear Brave Ones: Of course, we’re scared. That means it’s the time to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves and others. Can you imagine how scared our kids are? Their routines have been disrupted and they miss their teachers and friends. They have less control...

Out of the race

From the moment we are born, we are part of a race we never wanted to be in, we are measured by milestones and compared endlessly with any peers we share our life with. We are numbers in charts and checkmarks in lists of accomplishments, in other words, we are what we...

Mindful Parenting Through the Everyday Stresses

In the fast paced world of parenting where decisions are made in between spilled cereal, constant questioning and smartphone apps, it is no wonder the word mindfulness is becoming as necessary in a parent’s vocabulary as the word nap-time. And yet, for many,...

What our children ask of us

Our children ask so little really. Listen to my discoveries and ideas. Look through my eyes to understand my world. Feel my love, joy, frustration, pain. Hold my hand, my heart and me close. Be careful with me and understand me. I may feel off sometimes, when the...

Elf on the shelf, Magic of well-behaved kids?

I was already familiar with conscious parenting when the Elf on the Shelf became popular a few years ago, I found out about it when my kids were toddlers and I heard stories about him moving every night and being a fun addition during Christmas time. I was excited to...

Read more about Parent Coaching: Raising Children Consciously

Don’t let these common relationship busters ruin your most prized relationships!

Anger

Rage.  Yelling.  Stomping.  Slamming.  Throwing.

Getting angry does one thing: scare everyone.

Blame

Oh, if only blaming others for our unhappiness could resolve issues.   We’d all likely be deliriously happy!

Control

You can control the conditions in your home, but you can’t control other people.

You can only control you.  And once you do that, you can inspire others to change.

Disconnection

“Why did you do that?!”  “Go to your room!”  The silent treatment.  Passive aggressiveness.

Disconnection doesn’t allow you to correct.  The other must feel connected to you to give and receive.

Expectations

“My husband/wife/child/friend SHOULD do this…”  Expectations are joy killers.   Imagine another having an expectation on you.  Doesn’t that feel heavy?

Fear

Wondering if your kid is going to be screwed up?  Wondering if your marriage is over?

Whatever you’re afraid of, those around you will mirror that fear back to you in their own way.  You have no power from a place of fear.

Gossip

Letting others into your relationship is a recipe for disaster.

Well-meaning loved ones, friends, or internet strangers will project a lot of fear and bad advice your way.

Helicoptering

Hovering over anyone out of anxiety or insecurity keeps them in a state of fear as well.  Everyone is perfectly capable.  Only step in when you must.

Insecurity

Fear that we’re not enough creates a reality that matches this perception.  Confidence is key in happy relationships.

Judgement

All judgments of others mirror the way we judge ourselves.  Dropping judgments is essential for happiness.

Kindness

Sometimes you just have to be “unkind” to keep your sanity.

Telling a child to “be nice” denies their experience, needs, and autonomy.

Love

Thinking love is based on need, dependency, and control, severs relationships.

In that definition, we need to love a little less.

Martyrdom

We are often raised believing we should take pain from others, carry their burdens, and fix their problems.  Then they will love us.

This prevents them from growth and keeps us miserable.

Numbing

We’ve all been taught that pain is bad and we should avoid it, so we check out or deny our feelings and lose our connection to our internal guidance system.

Opinions

Imagining or listening to the opinions of others interferes with your own intuition.

Punishment

We’ve been doling out punishments in the most frightening ways for centuries.  This fear tactic does just that: create fear.  Fear doesn’t create connection, and connection is what you need to have the relationships you want.

Questions

Instead of authentically connecting, we might ask a billion questions out of our own anxiety.

“Are you buckled?”  “How was your day?”  “Why are you doing that?”

More silence, less questions.  Let them connect with you in an organic way.

Rules

Rules themselves aren’t bad, it’s having too many that is the problem.  How can you quickly and easily enforce a boundary if you have 200 rules?

Likewise, rules can limit the child’s learning ability by preventing them from experiencing the natural consequences of their behavior.

Shame

Most of us have an internal voice we got from our parents that shames our loved ones without us even realizing it.  “Why did you do that?!” “That’s not nice!”

Shaming someone is the fastest way to get them to shut down, disconnect, and act out.

Time Out

Time out is still a punishment.  Creating disconnection and feelings of shame, time out only serves to create further disconnection in your relationship.

Unresolved Conflicts

Unfortunately, not much will change if you aren’t willing to communicate what needs to change.

Victimhood

Imagining ourselves as the victim of our current situation makes us feel powerless to change it.

Wounds

Unresolved traumas + pain from our own childhood keeps us stuck in the past, subconsciously.

X’s

Be willing to close the door on old relationships when they’re toxic.

Zen

Zen is a good thing.  Acceptance without action is not.

Read more: Understanding Conscious Parenting and Other Parenting Styles

FREE: How To Finally Get Your Child To Listen And Act By Understanding Their Development And Getting The Best Behavior Out Of Them… Even In The Hour Before Bedtime. Yes, Really.

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