Read more about Parenting Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers.
A typical scenario in everyday parenting is: Your child is whining and the solution to address his behavior is to tell them to stop whining. This is the most common reaction from parents.
When we tell our children to stop their behavior we are not trying to help our child but we do it for ourselves because we don’t want to hear it, because it is an annoying sound, because we are busy and don’t want or can’t deal with it at the moment, because we are tired and want to get to the next thing in our agenda, because we expect our child to use their words, because we think he shouldn’t be whining, because because because. Whatever the case may be, anything we do from this perspective it is not going to address the root cause of the whining and is not going to help our child in the moment or in the future.
The best way to handle whining is to look at the deeper issue. There could be many reasons why a child whines and our job as parents is to get curious about what that reason is. This is caring about our child’s experience and allowing him to get through it and learn what he needs to learn to feel empowered in the future.
It might help to look at it this way, when our child is hungry we don’t believe we are rewarding our child by feeding them, the same way when our child is whining he is communicating a need in the best way he knows and we are not rewarding our child by helping him meet that need.
So, instead of asking your child to “Stop Whining” I invite you to try this instead:
- Pause: a way to stop our unconscious reaction to the behavior is to breathe. This is key!
- Empathize: see the situation from your child’s point of view.
- Get Curious: try to see what’s the cause of the behavior
- Find the Need: see what’s the need
- Solve Things Together: guide or help the child to meet his need
To learn more about holding space for your child’s emotions, read Our Children’s Big Feelings.
I support you with the hardest job of all, the raising of your precious children. I help you find joy, peace and ease dealing with your family challenges. I teach you to connect instead of divide by parenting through love. I work with parents who are committed to turning their family dynamic around, to bringing more peace to their homes and cooperation from their kids. In other words, I teach them how to stop yelling and punishing and how to parent through empathy and connection. Parents know when their approach is not working and when they reach out, I meet them right where they are, I offer them a judgment-free and confidential relationship, I guide them through their struggles, celebrate their successes and support them in their setbacks. After working with me you will feel confident about the best way to raise your children, you will feel a sense of peace and regain your joy knowing that every member of your family feels loved and valued, they are heard and they matter. You will be the parent you always wanted to be in the midst of any circumstance. I am a mother of three boys and I went from being the perfect parent in my fantasies to a “monster mom” in reality and in a matter of a couple of years after I had my first child. My world crumbled. It was chaos. And then I went to being a confident mom that gained her joy back thanks to a deep dive into conscious parenting, a long journey of inner work still to this moment and staying committed to being true to myself.
You may also enjoy:
Shaming Isn’t Parenting
Natural Consequences: How to Stop Punishing Your Kids
5 Steps to Stop Struggling With Quality Time
Awakening Doesn’t Make Tantrums Stop
Kids Learn Through What We Do
What to say to your kids after school.
My kids’ first bully was ME
Our Kids’ Behavior is Telling Us They Have An Unmet Need
Why You Feel Angry Around Your Kids
Elf on the shelf, Magic of well-behaved kids?
